


Your Graduation

by oneerectiontomyheart



Series: Modern Baseball [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bad Boy Zayn, Frat Boy Harry, Frat Boy Liam, Frat Boy Niall, Heartbreak, Indie Music, M/M, POV Liam, Past Relationship(s), Zayn left, reunited, shameless modern baseball fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 19:59:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3949771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneerectiontomyheart/pseuds/oneerectiontomyheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Used to call you crook, called you a bandit<br/>There ain't no other god damn reason why<br/>my heart, it would go missing<br/>For so many months so I was wishing that you<br/>That you would stop pretending<br/>Remember all those countless nights<br/>When I told you I loved you<br/>And to never forget it<br/>Oh just forget it</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Graduation

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I was listening to Modern Baseball and I had to just do this. Im gonna turn this into a series. I'm not sure if they'll all be related but Im excited.

It's been three whole years and Liam has thought of Zayn everyday. Sometimes for hours sometimes in passing. The crippling feeling of loss slowly melting into a slight pang of emptiness over the years.

In the beginning the pain was insufferable, burning him from the inside, cutting off oxygen to his lungs and making everything seem insignificant in comparison.

Losing Zayn was like losing the best piece of himself. A gaping hole in the center of his chest, bare for everyone to see. But then it became more bearable, and he could think of Zayn without feeling like his chest was exploding.

In the three years since Zayn left Liam, Liam hasn't stopped loving him. And yeah he knows that's ridiculous, he knows it's pathetic, but he can't help the way he feels.

And God does he wish he could, he wishes he could forget about Zayn just like Zayn has no doubtably forgotten him. It's just not that easy because Zayn is every where. He's in Liam's room, in the tea stain on the carpet from when he knocked it over kissing Liam, and in the posters on the walls that they hung up together after their first date. He's in his kitchen where they stayed up all night drinking tea and whispering into each others mouths. He's in his living room where Liam first told Zayn he loved him and Zayn smiled and kissed him. He's on the door step where Liam last saw him crying and talking about new beginnings and broken hearts. So yeah, Zayn is everywhere so Liam hasn't forgotten. 

But it's been three years and he hasn't cried over Zayn in 16 months, since what would have been their 5th year anniversary.

And yet, standing at the top of the stair case at a frat party in Manchester he can't help feeling like its 2012 all over again because at the bottom of the stairs is Zayn. And he's drunk, and he's complaining to some brunette girl about how he hasn't seen his friends yet and Liam is not okay.

And fuck, Liam never thought he would see Zayn again and fuck he didn't know Zayn could get any better looking. No longer is Zayn the plump scared boy he was 5 years ago. Now he's, well he's fucking beautiful. His hair is shaved on the sides the center left long and hanging. He has stubble lining his even more defined cheek bones and tattoos. Fuck he has tattoos everywhere. Liam is fucking shocked by how different and yet exactly the same this boy looks. And then Zayn looks up and Liam knows that Zayn knows that Liam has seen him. And for a minute it's just the two of them, the world has disappeared and it's just Liam and Zayn, Zayn and Liam.

Until a brunette lad walks up and claps him on the back, dragging Zayn out of Liam's life once again.

Liam probably hasn't moved for what feels like hours but must have only been minutes because Niall and Harry come up behind him, not noticing his standoffish behavior and are dragging him into the kitchen. Harry has been his best mate for years, knows everything there is to know about Zayn. About how beautiful their relationship was, how fast they fell in love, and how tragically it all fell apart. Niall, Liam's sort of not at all boyfriend who he met in Uni, knows nothing about the boy who broke Liam's heart.

Liam hopes that Harry won't see Zayn and that he can just get drunk and not have to worry about explaining to anyone why his heart is pounding and his throat is clamped shut.

All of his wishes are thrown out the door by a simple whistle. It comes from Niall, accompanied by a cheeky remark of "look at the arse on that bloke" which causes them all to turn. And to be fair to Niall this guys arse is pretty fantastic, but this guy is the brunette from earlier and he's standing right next to the person Liam is trying to avoid seeing.

They all turn towards each other and they freeze. Niall is the first to break the silence. "Sorry mate, I didn't mean for you to hear that." He at least has the decency to sound guilty, looking back at his not boyfriend to gauge his reaction but Liam's not looking at him. He's pointedly not looking at any of them, trying to avoid the situation as best as possible. "What the fuck" he hears and it's Harry and then suddenly Harry is standing in front of Liam. Liam is confused and this is all too much and he suddenly can not breath anymore.

He rushes out the back door to the surprisingly empty back yard. It's dark and it's quiet and he's alone and it's exactly what Liam needs right now. Except he's not alone because there is someone slowly approaching him, the sound of riffling paper and a lighter sparking the only thing he can hear. And when he turns and its Zayn and he shouldn't be feeling this, his chest shouldn't be swelling with anticipation while his heart aches dully in the background. "Hello" its Zayn who speaks first, which is ironic to Liam because he was the last one to say anything that day, and now Liam's angry. It's been three years and all Zayn says is hello, and Liam is pissed. "Oh hello, names Liam, and you are?" Liam puts his hand out to shake Zayns but Zayns not buying it. "Are you fucking with me Liam. You can't pretend that I don't exist." And that's fresh coming from him, coming from the boy who left and never looked back. "I can do what ever the fuck I want." Liam replies and he sees the exact moment Zayn realizes this is a different Liam than the one he left three years ago. This one is older, and guarded, the innocence has drained from his eyes and left an empty space. An impenetrable wall and Zayn immediately knows it's his fault, knows he did it to this boy.

"Just, just fucking stop, I haven't seen you in three years. I just wanted to, fuck, I just wanted to talk to you Leeyum." And he did that thing where he drags out Liam's name and Liam hasn't heard that since Zayn left and suddenly he's not angry, he's fighting back tears and he can not do this right now. Not here, not in front of Zayn. "Who's fault is that Zayn? It's not mine, I didn't tell you to leave. I didn't fucking shut you out. God Zayn you're so fucking selfish. You leave without a bloody good reason and then you come back and just expect me to talk to you. Like we're old friends catching up over tea." And Liam's turned around because he is crying and this is humiliating. "I thought we were old friends Leeyum. I thought, I thought." And Liam cuts him off because he doesn't want to hear a thing. "Well you fucking thought wrong Zayn, you're wrong and I hate you. I fucking hate you so much. I've hated you for three years and I hate you now." And Zayn is getting closer and he's turning Liam around and he's in Liam's space. "Bullshit, you fucking missed me." And than he's walking away and Liam can't let him have the last word. "I guess I'll talk to you in a few months, maybe a few years. Who knows with Zayn. He's flighty and unreliable isn't he."

"What are you trying to say Liam? That you wanted me to stay? Hmm? That you wanted to get married and adopt little babies and fucking get a minivan?" And suddenly Zayn is back in his space and Liam can count his eyelashes. "You weren't the only one who thought of us that way Liam. I spent most nights awake, wide awake." And Liam's angry again because where does Zayn get off saying these things. "That is fucking rich Zayn. You're the one who left, the one who gave it all up. You're the one who decided you didn't want this." Liam's voice is angry and cold.

"You didn't want anything. You couldn't give up your life as a fucking heterosexual jock. You still had a girl friend and you still hung out with all of the pricks who beat me up constantly. You wanted nothing with me Liam, you were just using me." And Liam never knew Zayn thought like this. Zayn had said he understood how Liam didn't want to tell anyone. Didn't want to risk loosing his football scholarship or his relationship with his parents. And Liam thought Zayn knew how much he loved him, thought he showed him it enough.

"Remember all those countless nights where I told you I loved you, and to never forget it? Well just forget it. I can't believe you were questioning my feelings for you but you didn't have the guts just to come to me and speak with me." And Liam doesn't want to do this anymore. It hurts too much and it's opening up all his healed wounds.

"It doesn't matter anymore Liam, what happened is all said and done. There's no changing the past is there?" And he phrases that last word as a question, as if he's trying to get Liam to tell him otherwise.

"I've thought of that day, the day you left me probably a million times. I've thought of the things I could have said to make you stay and I've imagined myself going with you. But I never thought that I would see the day where I'd just let you go, let you walk away. Zayn, just go ahead and walk away." And for once Zayn listens. He goes because this is Liam's decision now. And he doesn't look back until he's sure Liam can't see him anymore. And Liam waits till he knows Zayn has left. Left the yard, left the party, left his life before he breaks down and cries.


End file.
